A Thief in the Night

Quote of the Day:
Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.

~ Anais Nin ~

It's hard to write when you can't think. It's hard to think when you don't sleep. It's hard to sleep when you can't breath.

Actually, the not breathing part is related to Obstructive Sleep Apnea which, I recently discovered, is the reason for the constant exhaustion, clumsiness and extreme brain fog in my life. Geez, I thought I was just really, really tired. It sure seemed like I was sleeping.

What I thought was eight hours of sleep was actually eight hours of fighting to breath. A sleep study revealed there was no real sleep. Oxygen levels fell to the low seventies with apnea occurring over 50 times in an hour.

An apnea is defined as ten seconds or more in which there is no breathing and no oxygen intake. Lets see - 50 x 10 =500 / 60 = 8.33 minutes without oxygen.

At that point I was probably getting ready to have the ultimate Out of Body experience. Fortunately, the good old body would come up for air. When I saw the report I was totally shocked. There's nothing like seeing a graph with data to provide a kick in the pants.

In the past, several people have told me "You breath funny when you sleep" or "Your snoring kept me awake." One of them even mentioned sleep apnea. This didn't faze me. I just kept swimming in the river of denial. "I'm strong; it's nothing," the "little I" told the self.

The current thrashed me around. Sometimes I was so tired even breathing was a chore. It felt like there wasn't even one molecule of ATP in my body. After consulting with a local nurse practitioner, a sleep study was done, OSA was diagnosed and CPAP was begun.

Every garden needs to be fertilized. Compost is an ideal way to introduce organic fertilizers into the system. Plants have a difficult time fending off bugs and competing with weeds if they do not have the proper soil. You can't just put the seeds into the ground and expect them to grow.

Human beings have similar requirements. Tending the inner garden is impossible if you are swirling in denial and lying to the self. The later, lying to the self, is one of the biggest impediments to awakening to objective reality and discovering the Truth of this world.

It's so easy to lie. It comes naturally and is a component of the mechanicalness by which we live our lives. Remember Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny? Cute little lies that bring a smile to a child's face. You might think these tales are innocent. But I think they play a part in preparing a young mind to believe bigger and better lies.

If you would like to learn more about OSA click the links mentioned above or read this extensive article by Dr. Robert Downey.

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